|
|
Thursday, March 18th, 2004
| |
9:19 am - green beer
|
beer
sounds just like
bier.
whatever.
I had a dream about Adam Radford. I was talking to him in the Publix parking lot, the one near my house. He was asking me if I knew of any good summer jobs.
that is the extent of that.
Yay for Lilla!
Yay for Elizabeth!
Thank GOD for Jack.
Boo for me.
Stymied: I always forget about the line between my life and other people's lives. I forget, for instance, that other people like their privacy, while I tend to have no sense of privacy WHATSOEVER.
Secrets that I have kept are few and far between - meaning, I'll talk about it unless someone tells me not to. Like Jack last night. Nothing will be said. I respect that.
But I just plain FORGET that the people in my life aren't EXACTLY like me, the conception that I have of them in my head is scarily blurred at times - I forget that there's a fundamental difference there that can really piss people off - and usually I'm shocked when reminded. I'll grow up someday, I suppose.
::sigh::
I am STILL tipsy.
last night, stumbling back, the room spinning, trying to sleep...
all too much.
I need to write a letter.
|
|
|
| Monday, March 15th, 2004
| |
11:23 am
|
Cedric the Foul: who's "we"?
Cedric the Foul:do you presume to speak for england?
|
|
|
| Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
| |
10:20 pm
|
Down the street the dogs are barkin'
the day is getting dark
as the night comes in a fallin'
all the dogs lose their bark,
the silent night will shadow
the sounds inside my mind,
for I'm one too many mornings
and a thousand
miles behind.
At the crossroads of my doorstep
my eyes they start to fade
as I turn my head back to the room
where my love and I have lain
I gaze upon the street
the sidewalk and the sign
and I'm one too many mornings
and a thousand miles behind
It's a restless hungry feeling
that don't mean no one no good
when everything that I'm a-saying
you can say it just as good
You were right from your side
and I was right from mine
we're just one too many mornings
and a thousand
miles behind
We're just one too many mornings
and a thousand
miles behind
current mood:  productive
current music: One too many mornings - Nasatir & Mascullo
|
|
|
| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
| |
10:05 pm - STUCK, damnit
|
EDITED 3.10 11pm - Rather important edit, though still in progress. go see this post to see the current first half of the story
Please help me.
1. what should he see in the pictures?
2. is this plot arc working at all???
3. how about the voice? is it too much?
Seriously. I know that you're on break. ::ahem:: Carol. ::ahem:: Morgan ;)
( first half. well, really, the first 7/16. )
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Nebraska - from Prof. Nasatir's CD
|
|
|
| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
| |
4:45 pm - found a good pic!
|
Brett Danaher.
yum.
|
|
|
| |
3:59 am - Pat Fuckin' Green up in the ATL
|
The day started off slow, as Jack and I slept until noon or so, and then of course it took till 2 to get out of town.
The drive was lovely - I was introduced to Reckless Kelly, who I'll promptly be burning next week, and the rest of the soundtrack included CrossCanadianRagweed (soon to be seen in concert again - in Nashville, this time) and then some
PAT GREEN
to prepare us for our evening at the Tabernacle.
We basically drove to 1038 and hopped in the van, as mom and dad drove me and Ellie and MMT down there (it's safer, apparently, to wait for your ride on the side of the road for 10 minutes than to park yourself... whatev - Ellie and I both were allowed to drink the $5.50 beers that they were selling. We were only moderately buzzed, but that is irrelevant).
The Tabernacle is a great venue right across from Centennial Park, an old converted church.
We got there and waited in line to get in, so we were in the SECOND ROW (though MMT wanted to sit in the balcony and thus sat by himself. Can I blame him for not loving PG as much as I? YES, I think I CAN). The opening band, The Lost Trailers, weren't half bad, but certainly the second opener, Kevin Kenny, WAS. YUCK. But during the openers, we bonded with the people around us - I made nice with a girl who was a KD at OU and is now a grad student at Clemson - we were determined not to let other people in front of us, since we had gotten there early to secure our good spots. And then this girl from Vandy and her bf push their way in front of us and basically were just annoying as hell - turns out she's a ChiO - knows Lilla and everything - this did not keep me from being annoyed with her and helping to push them back a row. Go me and Clemson-girl.
then
was the show.
Oh my.
Pat was quite calm - we found out later that he'd been puking since 9am and was totally dehydrated - but this was a nice break from his usual drunken self - though I love that Pat, it's nice to see the other too.
the lead guitarist, Brett Danaher, was
FUCKING ON
totally goofing and being entertaining as HELL.
I was a bit to the right of center, so I was right in front of him, and I cannot even explain how great he was tonight. Usually he wears a red hat, but he was sans-hat tonight. He was sweating up a STORM and giving his three guitars HELL, going off of solos of his own because he COULD, jumping around, and generally being entertaining. He was vaguely my favorite band member before, but after tonight he is SOLID, my favorite guitarist EVER.
( set list )
The energy was just great tonight, and for the encore, I got to be in the VERY FRONT ROW! So it was like it was only me and Brett ::sigh:: transcendent. He grinned at me about a million times. It was the most fun spring break activity since, well, why even bother to pretend - EVER. I'm not into the whole celeb-crush thing, but if I were going to do that, i would choose him. for now i'll just settle on drinking up his stage time like a cold beer on a hot night.
We waited for a set list afterwards, and due to me being proactive and asking the dude, we got it, beating out the stupid boy next to me. Ellie can thank me later. All I want to do is scan the puppy.
Afterwards, we had to hang around for mom and dad to drive back, so we ended up being out back for the band to come out. There were like 10 people there tops. I cannot ever stress how NOT in Texas we were. And, yes, Brett came out. He was apologizing for Pat not coming out, being puky and all - I WANTED to be like, "um, maybe I'm waiting for *you*", but instead he signed our set list and then took a picture with us (wheeee!) and I had all that I ever needed for the rest of the week.
Next Pat experience - July in Chattanooga. Who will i get to go with me? I have no friends.
Really, if the world were exactly as I'd design it, I would get to go to a Pat Green concert every other weekend and sing along to the wonder that is PG and his boys while drinking free beer and wearing my cowboy hat. Why can't this be my life - WAIT, it PRACTICALLY IS. tonight was two weeks to the day that we were at The Trap for Pat. What I mean to say is, my favorite thing to do in the world, besides writing something really good, is to bounce around at his a concert wehre I know all of the words and get sweaty and a little tipsy and just ABSORB all the wonderfulness that is getting to dance to music that you love. I don't like parties. I like singing along to music while half-dancing with a cute boy in a white cowboy hat.
To conclude that long-ness - it just gets better and better, time after time. Now PG's hovering at being around 45% of the concerts that I've seen.
Also, my brother is fucking FUNNY.
just ask about Grapes of Wrath.
it's almost 4 here. I should go to bed.
to dream of watching/listening to Brett Danaher, of dancing at a PG concert, all warm and wonderful...
current mood:  happy
current music: the entire concert, resounding in my head... PERFECTION
|
|
|
| Thursday, March 4th, 2004
| |
2:45 am - inconsequentiality
|
I just got back from tutoring my bay-bee downstairs, and as I walked out of the elevator I said "Call me when you need me...". the door slid shut and I was suddenly overcome by the feeling of being one of those minor, underdeveloped, inconsequential charachters in Tony Earley's short-story waiting room, a room a bit like the one in Betelgeuse, where thousands of different clichés and stock charachters sit - The haggard mother of two toddlers - the surly teenager with a skateboard - the lumbering drunk man, unwashed and pit-stained - the wise doctor/pediatrician - the oily-haired short order cook - the blonde buxom college co-ed with an armfull of books - the nerdy engineer with wire-rimmed glasses and a pocket-protector - the football player in complete uniform or letter jacket and jeans - the consumate businessman, smiling confidently, wearing a sharply creased pinstriped suit - the female lawyer, hair coifed in a tight bun, wearing a skirt just slightly too short - the dirty kid on the playground who eats dirt - waiting for their title to be called over an intercom, at which point they will walk into a door marked with the name of a short-story, make an appearance to advance to plot or to deliver a moral, and then retreat back to the waiting room until they are needed in a different story for the same purpose.
Tony strongly warns against using these charachters.
But tonight for a moment, I felt like one - I'm the person that, it must seem, waits around for him to call, appears on command when needed, and then dissappears out of the elevator and out of his existence until the next time he needs me.
what I want to do is write a story about that waiting room.
The above is something that I feel like I could write to Ross (no, not Ross, but whoever it is that I wanted him to be, that I wanted Tommy to be, that I wanted Andy to be), but from that last email, I really got the vibe that he wasn't interested in talking to me. Aren't there ANY MALES out there who find me mildly interesting?!? I happen to think that i'm interesting and fun - I know that jack does too, as do other people to varying degrees... so why am I so bereft of testosterone in my life, why does all the testosterone I know see me as one of those waiting-room charachters instead of someone in the plot? Even my brother sees me like that, calls me when he needs help with Chem, or drags me along when there's a football game, and I vicariously get to be in on the fun, but the CONSEQUENCE of my presence is negligible.
Simultaneously, I am desperately hoping that the Pat Green line
Who's to say, who are you to judge her anyway, this old world spins, I'm never gonna take that change again, yeah who's to say, how we got so lucky anyway, we have a home, neither one of us will ever be alone...and escalating fiddle riff
would someday apply to me, and desperately fighting off the surety that, like in donnie darko,
we all die alone
I am, on the upside to all of this, 3/4 of the way done with my Spanish paper. There is just something delicious about a close reading of a poem, is there not? The wonder of it is in the contradiction, in the fact that usually, the poet didn't mean it consciously, but nevertheless, it's totally valid. The simultineaity of it totally turns me on.
(if you're interested:Quite the coup for our friend TE)
current mood:  contemplative
current music: my new blues CD that I got at Ted's!
|
|
|
| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
| |
3:01 am - it is time
|
to go to bed.
( but an update is rather needed. )
If you haven't checked out the latest Teen Girl Squad, you should hide your head. Maybe Ross was on spring break with the teen girls and was going to call me, but forgot... Ow! My hopes of reaching 1st base! And the newest strongbad email is pretty funny too! and this little weirdo would be a modestly hot girl to help me thorugh the hard times, you know the kind that are only sorta hot so they don't mess around with other guys... modestly hot my eye! I think my imagination's broke. Let me try to think of the best thing ever: Beef... stew. Yup, it's busted allright.
current mood:  blah
current music: nothin'. MT be a-sleepin' in the room all-a-da-time now
|
|
|
| Saturday, February 28th, 2004
| |
2:34 am - Impatience
|
Jack and I, instead of going to a party, ended up sleepily watching Pump up the Volume, which I’d never seen before.
At the end, he stands up in the Jeep and is yelling something cheezily inspirational…
All I wanted to think about was wanting to actually talk to this Ross kid, see if his mouth is as good as his pen/keyboard, listen to the modulation of his voice and the way he moves his lips.
I want to write exactly that in an email, write precise things about those four pieces that he sent me, ask questions and then have him answer them.
I want that boy to want Jack
I want him to hear me, I want there to be a person that hears me that I can hear too.
I want to dispense with being coy – I want to immediately go to being good friends with him and hanging out on a Friday night watching some 80s movie after having shared a bucket at SATCo – no, it’s not that. It’s that I want him to be the person that I want to do that with…
I’m nesting my sentences like Russian dolls, but there’s still truth there, a little one, all the way inside.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Crazy - Pat Green
|
|
|
| Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
| |
1:36 am - some times i'm stuck with fragments
|
a lone little stanza - I can't remember where it belongs!
When I wished my wish,
I wished to become
an empty vessel
free from dust.
back to working on the fairy tales...
current mood: productive
current music: thinking music
|
|
|
| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
| |
3:19 am - i feel like...
|
like christmas eve.
you know, when you know that you want something but you have to go to bed and sleep through the night before you can have it?
|
|
|
| Monday, February 23rd, 2004
| |
12:35 pm - things that I would like to say but are too cheesy:
|
• "where have you been all my life?!"
• "You might as well know that I am actually in love with you"
• "dump oxytocin girl and let me make you happy"
• "Haven't you ever written something THAT good before?!" - for Diana ;)
time to get ready to go.
also
Who responded anonymously? IDENTIFY YOURSELF! THIS WILL NOT STAND!
current mood: angsty
|
|
|
| Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
| |
2:04 am - on a thoroughly wonderful evening
|
So. I just got back from dke, where, despite the fact that every dke that I knew and saw there was spectacularly friendly, I really felt just sort of like i was standing there with my thumb up my bum. I didn't feel like following Rosa around like a 4 year old and I could not, for the life of me, find Maggie! where the hell she was, I DO NOT know, but suffice to say that I was not into a) the obviously too-many-concussions-to-count Georgia Southern guy trying to make conversation outside (though his friends were nice, but STILL.) I always find myself in situations at these things where I am talking to three guys and the ONE, the ONE guy who I would never in a million years (this is not based on looks, mind you, this is based on ability to carry on a conversation) talk to for any period of time is the ONE guy who I end up in a one-on-one convo with. It's extremely frustrating, or b) the big guy with the two gold front teeth plucking at my side-fat (hrm, what part of you ISN'T fat? you ask) and asking me where I was going home to and if he could come. He wasn't a bad looking guy, but I require at least a modicum of buttering-up before I'll consider putting out.
Sadly, the only guy there tonight who was able to be verbally productive was Brandon Rios, who was up on stage in his cowboy hat with four Vandy Girls. This was not me, therefore I absconded and met Amanda on my way out - she said that she was going to try to find Maggie, and that if they needed me they'd call. I'm pretty sure that this means I'm going to be here for the rest of the night. Probably I should just get in the shower now rather than wait for a call. This is like the 5th time that I've tried to go to the frats with Maggie and have been unable to follow through.
SUCK.
HOWEVER -
Pat Green tonight was
DAMN AWESOME!!!!
We managed to be like 3 rows from the front - everyone was squished in like packaged lunchmeat and bouncing around to the wonderfulness that is Pat Green. A very cute boy in a white cowboy hat danced with me for a while to Three Days and we bonded over being in the front. I had a rediculous amount of tequila chased with Michelob Ultra but still I am only moderately buzzed. probably this explains why dke wasn't doing it for me this evening. You've got to be damn drunk to be comfortable there with no one else with you.
Oh, have I mentioned that ELLIE IS FUCKING WONDERFUL for going with me, i.e. telling me about it and then getting me to go with her?!?!?!?! Thank god for friends that love the same kind of music that I do and also like to blow money on going to concerts.
40% of the concerts that I've ever been to have been Pat Green concerts. this is wonderful.
I am now the proud owner of a new key chain and a sticker that has, as we type, gone on my Nalgene. YAY! It's partially covering up "VUT", "Ted's" and "Vanderbilt", but I'm pretty sure that it's worth it. the next thing to go on will be a rugby sticker that will thoroughly obliterate most of the decorations, but you can still see them from the other side anyway, and I love stickers on Nalgenes.
OBSERVATION:
My skin is an unearthly white. Wow.
While I am sad that Maggie was unable to be located, probably it's best that I get to bed. Today was a big day and a very good big day at that, one in which I got to see my most favoritist current singer and also found a good way to do my hair that is cute.
Off to rinse off the club stank!
current mood: happy
current music: what else? Three Days!
|
|
|
| Saturday, February 21st, 2004
| |
5:56 pm
|
I am awash in a sea of non-sass.
Plans for after Pat include
getting out of strike, since I went last night and wasn't supposed to
getting into dke and seeing Maggie with her new tongue ring(!)
|
|
|
| |
1:03 pm - backwards
|
apparently, i can get into my other gap jeans now.
this is worrisome, because I've had girlscout cookies for three meals in the past two days.
Last night was rediculously productive, as I got through page 144 laid out for the Review, had dinner with Andrea, helped dad figure out how to make a .pdf and actually did some work at strike (which was actually fun... not as fun as it was for Jeff, but fun)
I have just decimated that tube of thin mints.
I'm going to be happy today in my blue blue jeans and hope for the best.
Up for today:
Romeo + Juliet!
we'll see how much of it I get to stay for, because at 3, there's the
Men's Rugby game vs. UGA!!!!!
How can I talk someone into giving me Natty? I can't get too drunk, because at 8, there's
PAT GREEN!
ahhhhhhhhh! AGAIN! I am in HEAVEN! Pat Green while buzzing!
I got three days to wash the road out of my soul / I got three days to love you out of control / And I wish I had a lifetime to hold onto this way / Love can do some healing in just three days
Okay, off to put on some makeup and have something to drink after all of those thin mints.
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Three Days - Pat Green
|
|
|
| Friday, February 20th, 2004
| |
12:22 am - hey it's good
|
accent quiz, from Carol
I'm 90% Dixie.
Thank goodness that all of these yankees around here haven't ruined my accent.
I refuse to give up
"Coke"
"Fixin' to"
and
"y'all"
|
|
|
| Thursday, February 19th, 2004
| |
12:03 pm - i always thought
|
one could never be a poet unless
you had wild, furtive, unusual, exuberant, aching, angry, vengeful, giggly, transcendent sex.
you had some deep wound that you liked to keep from healing over.
you had a sad countenance that you could never share in speech.
you had a plethora of careless lovers.
you had lost something precious.
you had found things to be less than they ought to be.
this is the problem.
|
|
|
| |
3:08 am - to mimic Carol
|
|
| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
| |
5:34 pm - Romeo & Juliet: 1.1
|
Of course I'm not worthy to even articulate how wonderful today was.
I got to watch Haas be Romeo to KatieCool's Juliet.
Dear Shakespeare -
1. would you please tell me how to spell your name correctly?
2. How did you manage to write love scenes that never get old? How did you manage to write something that gives me chills every time, even when repeated over and over?
3. How did you get your timeless words? these other playwrights that I'm reading don't even come close. To quote one of the Actors today "those other playwrights were just drumming that Iambic beat - Shakespeare was playing JAZZ". All I can do is lay there prostrate to your vibrations, Will. 400 years ago, you managed to find my fundamental frequency, and no matter how many times you play it, you'll make me tremble.
5. Why can't I forget your words? Life would be so much easier if you'd just cease. I could forget that love exists, I could run away from that feeling that thrums like a good bass line under the surface of a melody. But your language is a long kiss that stays tingling on my tongue and refuses to rescind it's intent.
Love, D
also, on this class: I'm glad that I didn't have to kiss anyone today. I don't feel like kissing anyone.
current mood:  discontent
current music: Closer to Fine - IG
|
|
|
| |
11:32 am - Kellen on the brain
|
So. I had a dream this morning from about 9 to 11:15 or so.
( It was the strangest mix of stuff that I've ever dreamt... )
so now I'm awake. Kellen as the "hero" in my dream (hell, Kellen in a dream at all) is a rather new concept, so probably i'll be thinking about that today.
The thing about Kellen is:
I don't know that I've ever met someone that I really WANTED to be friends with more but who refused (not just to be friends with me or whatever) to give me any indication as to what he thinks of me (those tenses were all screwed up, let's just move on). He seemed like he was having fun when he and Kira and I would go to ted's, but then when he sees me on campus, does he smile/act happy to see me? It's just frustrating because I do love to hang out with him, but I feel like badgering him to do stuff is just rude after a while, and I don't have Kira here to make me feel like it's justified...
I don't know. There are very few people who can make me feel like I am incredibly stupid and yet I still want to be around them. Haas and Jeff used to make me feel like that. Tommy DEFINITELY made me feel like that. Steve Nelson still does. I'd rather not be around Steve, Tommy was easily (well, eventually) dismissed, and Haas'n'Jeff have changed somehow (maybe have become less threatening, I don't know). Kellen, though I've "known" him for about 2 years, (yeah, how can I know him? he could work for the CIA he's so closed-lipped) he's still pretty much an enigma. Jesus, just thinking about writing this makes me want to bash myself over the head cause I sound like a moron that he would hate. Thinking about my taste in music in relation to him makes me want to cringe. How did I make him into this all-encompassing coolness that is too good for me?
All I know is that I wish that I could make him smile like Kira does.
Kira, come home.
current mood:  lonely
current music: Homeward Bound - S&G
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
partypopple's journal
cynical